Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Does Ken Live Up to His Gender?

I've written on several occasions about the deep love that my sister Linda and I had for our Barbie dolls.
Clasped tightly in our pre-teen hands, we walked Barbie down fashion runways made of washcloths, marched her friskily through freshly mowed grass, and ice-skated her on aluminum foil ponds.

Barbie was our go-to toy.

One that preceded the love of our baby dolls, our Slinky, or any dog-eared Tiger Beat magazine full of long-haired idols.

However, we never really warmed up to Barbie's boyfriend, Ken.

Maybe it was a type of mother-love. An innate, raw, sense of duty we possessed that made us want to protect our (doll) children.

Ken just wasn't right for her.
We knew it.
Our friends knew it.
Heck - even Mattel knew it!

But they kept shoving him down our throats- improving him, redressing him, outfitting him with longer hair and a cuter smile. Making him more muscular, more tan, and giving him male friends.

But they could never take the "loser" out of Ken.
They never fully succeeded in  masking the slightly feminine side of him- the metro-sexual tendencies he outwardly flaunted- the hen-pecked shy-guy that Barbie kept wrapped around her little finger like a cheap wimp.

He and Barbie slept together under the bed in a shoe box for years- and never once kissed- unless Linda and I forcibly smacked their plastic lips together in an attempt to role-play a dating situation.

Face it- Barbie didn't really need Ken.
She had a dream house, a Corvette, a yacht, a huge modern wardrobe- (and don't forget -an aluminum foil pond.)
She was gorgeous, thin, curvy and carefree. She was young, tall, (and could do the splits like nobody's business!)

Whereas, Ken was stiff and cold- anatomically challenged, and didn't even own a house or a car. He spent most of his time in Bermuda shorts laying in a corner somewhere waiting for Barbie to win another modeling gig or spot him a twenty till his life coach got out of prison.

I think it's best that these two didn't make any babies together. Although their good looks might have won them points in the procreation effort, their combined IQ was less than the speed limit on Main Street.
(Hey- I said Barbie was a lot of things- but smart wasn't one of them!)

The whole reason for even mentioning this couple is that I found out today is Ken Day. I figured I would at least give him a little blog space, even though he's never been my favorite boy toy.

 However, further research causes me to believe that Mattel may have finally redeemed itself.

Meet the new "Harley" Ken.

I bet he could make some shoe box action.


  1. Now THAT' a little more like it. Now they need to come up with a Ken house/car/bike something, anything to show he has a job and a pay cheque.

  2. Girl! You crack me up! This was awesome! I laughed out loud at Barbie doing the splits! Can so see that! And that new Ken? Va Va VOOM!

  3. Not sure I agree with you.....looks like the latest member of the Village People to me!

    Loved the blog....karla

  4. You made me laugh! I always married my Barbies to my little brother's G.I.Joe dolls er um ...action figures!
    Blessings, Joanne

  5. We had so much fun playing Barbies. We couldn't wait to go to our friend Gwen's house and play as she had Barbie furniture, a house, beds and even the cars. At home we used hair spray can lids as seats or tables, a shoe box for a bed or perhaps a house and we walked everywhere as we never did figure out how to make a home made car! What a great imagination we had and so much fun!

  6. RAE ~
    Do you remember this TV commercial? (They so nailed it!) A G.I. Joe-ish doll steals a Barbie-ish doll from a wimpy "Ken":


    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  7. hey my name is BARBIE, but have to admit i dont have those legs, or cant do the splits (not anymore anyway), Ken is va va vooom in that outfit lol
    I remember sitting up at night sewing by hand dresses for my precious daughters barbie doll, i made alot of clothes, no patterns, no machine, but sh eloved it just the same, She had the original but our puppy chewed the ( shall we say left upper one off an dented it) poor barbie. I love playing barbie dolls with my grandaughter, we have a vivid imagination and we too arent too keen on KEN,,,,,, he needs to get a job, after all he has sponged off her too long.............. lol, enjoyed your blog. barb